Hot Pockets has a .org.

It’s claimy. It packs a powerful message prompting people to “Join the Movement” and “Lay down your forks, brothers and sisters.” It has all the screen-printed trappings of a grassroots, civil rights movement that deserves our attention. It prompts viewers to submit photos and upload videos. It urges us to take back our right to eat.

Again, this is for Hot Pockets.

It seems Hot Pockets hired a fancy new guerilla marketing team to engage their customers and attract a hip, young, no-nonsense crowd of movers and shakers. They want to market to those of us who flip the bird to the old “sit down and eat” regime. For far too long, restaurants, our families, dates, big brother, and the status quo have demanded that we sit quietly and use all manner of plates and cutlery while we eat. How dare they.

Take back your freedom. Eat a Hot Pocket while you’re walking somewhere.
Hot Pockets are the frozen food items described by Jim Gaffigan as “a Pop Tart filled with nasty meat.”

The t-shirts say, “I can sit and eat when I’m dead.” Eat Hot Pockets and you can hasten that process.

I hope these misguided marketing execs approach the people at Activia, too.