After reading this I had to wonder if people still cling to the nineties and fashion naval jewelry. Aside from the news itself, the most upsetting part of this posting was the message that accompanied the title. I will paste it into this passage so you may read for yourself. Nothing I could say could compare to the mere description of said jewelry.

Hello!
So in cleaning out my jewlery box, I’ve come across a few belly button rings that I no longer wear. Mostly curved barbells in a 14 gauge. One is clear plastic balls, one is multicolored an sparkly, one is a blacklight ring that looks yellow and white in regular light, a twisted black metal one, a white ball one, a blue metal with a clear “diamond” and a sheild that you can put on any belly button ring. I’m located in Jackson Heights, off of the 7 train. Thanks.

Aside from the poor grammar, you’re not going to make a good sales person (free or not) if one of your main selling points involves a black-light. The diminishing franchise of Spencer Gifts should illustrate my point. I also feel that most people aren’t so much going to jump at something with the word diamond surrounded by quotation marks.

1. Free Manure

Thank God! I was just saying the other day how sick and tired I was for having to fork over cash for my horse dookie.

Free seasoned horse manure!
Shovel all you need yourself OR I will load YOUR truck or trailer with my loader for a small loading fee. I will now deliver a load in my dump trailer. Trailer holds an estimated 5 yards. Delivery WITHIN THE TOWN of BROOKHAVEN only. Charge depends on location in the town. The Manure is free.
I can arrange to have up to 30 yards delivered onto the north fork for a very reasonable trucking fee.

30 yards of manure you say? I would have assumed that we would measure manure in weight rather than distance. This manure is also seasoned, whatever that means. Call me a city slicker, but with what does one season manure and more importantly, what poor son of a b*tch call this a job? I must commend this gentleman on how easy he is making transporting the dung. If there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s lots of red tape at the manure depot.

1. 10 packs of pita bread—6 pieces to a pack

I can only assume that this is the result of either a failed diet or Mediterranean themed restaurant. The listing itself is quick and matter of fact: 1^st come, 1^st serve, followed with “Steve” and a phone number. This probably should have been my #5, but I really want to know why someone doesn’t just freeze the stuff and eat it slowly? The more I thought about why someone would give away food via craigslist, the more I wondered how lazy is Steve? Is there not a shelter or church that this food could be made to better use instead of trying to start a c-list bidding war? I guess I could go back and forth with this for years. After all, they still don’t know who killed Kennedy.

1. Three Years of Play Girl Magazines For FREE FREE FREE

Over 36 playgirl magazines MINT for free. No space. Must go this weekend. Please Call April Davids

Wow! The imagination just goes wild with why someone suddenly needs to get rid of a bunch of porn. All I can wonder is what sort of responses this could have possibly evoked. I’m glad to see, however, that rather than just dumping 3 years worth of porn into the nearest dumpster that some effort has been made to find it a nice home.

1. Two Chickens for Free

When I first came across this title I assumed it was another person giving away food. When I clicked on the listing to confirm my assumption my jaw proceeded to slack.

hello i bought these 2 little chicks for my kids on easter..and now they are about 4 weeks old old and growing..i dont want to bring them back to the pet store..so if you have a yard and know how to care for chickens..there yours. one is yellow and one is black with some white

Stop rubbing your eyes, that’s right, live baby chickens. The most entertaining part of this ad would be the implied “surprise” the author received when the chickens began to mature. It brings me great joy that this author offered us the back story of how he/she attempted to return the chicks. I can only wonder how that went down,

“…excuse me, these chickens started grow up. I have my receipt; can I have my money back?” Maybe, “When I purchased these chickens, no one told me that they would grow-up and not remain babies indefinitely, I’d like my money back please.” My third and final scenario, “Hi, I bought these chickens and realized that I have no idea how to care for baby chickens. What is your return policy?”

When your present is living, make sure of a few things. First, ask yourself, “Is an upper west side apartment, live-stock appropriate?” Next, remember that much like your own offspring, all baby things grow-up. Lastly, your brain is located in your head. Your head is that lump three feet above your ass.

5: Sawdust

This post is noteworthy not just because I can’t think of many practical uses for sawdust beyond absorbing liquids (ie: vomit in elementary school cafeterias). It’s the way in which the poster seems to be positing a true or false question followed by a phone number:

“Cabinet shop has lots of sawdust. ” And that’s it. I should call and say, “true,” because I’d imagine that’s true.

4: Grass Clippings
Again – this is all in how the post is phrased:
“have lawn full of grass if you want the clippings come on over and take them. my address is 9 old state rd in media ask for Mr. John Cooper Thank you.”
Sounds like Mr. Cooper wants you to come and mow his lawn in exchange for all the clippings you can rake, bag and haul away.

3: Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt!
Um, why didn’t you just say so!
Yes, that’s 4 times the poster said “dirt” in the heading. 3 times just wasn’t enough. Right off the bat, he addresses the obvious:
“why pay for whats free?” Interesting. I’m listening, go on…
“In my backyard I have about a ton of dirt and stone mix. Decorative brick chips were shoveled off, with some underlying dirt as well.”
Sounds good, but is it all bagged and ready to go?
“It is all bagged and ready to go.”
SOLD! What an effective ad campaign for free dirt.

But the top two need little to no elaboration:

2. Kombucha babies [Tea claimed to be a fountain of youth, made from scary yeast patties you have to grow in huge jars. Look it up on Wikipedia.]

“i started brewing my own kombucha and have lots of babies/ SCOBY’s. i would rather give them away than throw them away. i can also give you a cup or so of starter. you must meet me near where i live, 49th and springfield (evenings/ weekends).”

Sometimes I miss living in West Philly. And also: gross.
There is a tie for #1.

1b: Tracheotomy Supplies
“I have a bunch of tracheotomy supplies. Free to anyone that needs them. Had a temporary trach and have way more supplies than were needed. Email and we can arrange pick up or prepaid shipping. I would rather not throw these in the trash and a hospital/doctors office cannot take them. I”

(Yes, it does end in I. Maybe he or she needed those supplies after all.)

I didn’t know what I was looking for – until I saw this.

1a: Salt looking for pepper (Havertown)

Sounds like a Personal ad misplaced on curb alert, but no.

“I have one salt or pepper shaker…broke the other one before I even used them. Can anyone use just one? It’s Mikasa “Garden Splendor” with what looks to be a silver plate top. 5 inches tall. Maybe you just need new tops? Hate to just throw it away.”

Did your grammy write this? Or is this a sign that
“The Great Depression 2: Back in Black” is underway?

So lonely. So cold.